he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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