I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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