the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
