she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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