Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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