____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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