I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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