I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
