i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
