I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish you could order shots online.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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