Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
