My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
