sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
