Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Too much gin, very little bucket
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
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Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
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He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS