I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.