and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
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it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
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I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??