so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...