there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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