Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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