he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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