Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.