where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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