She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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