I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
