Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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