dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
