I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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