Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
