Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
