I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
