If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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