a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
