my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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