I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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