I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Too much gin, very little bucket
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
