Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
