i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
