Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
