So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
