mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
