He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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