Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
