I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
