ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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