Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my shit smells like andre
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
