she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
