mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
