idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
