census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just invented taco cereal.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
