I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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