I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
