:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
