I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
