if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
