this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize