I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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