last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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