im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
