help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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