I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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