The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
