I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
