you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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