I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
