the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
