Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
