Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Randomize
