you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
