The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
