Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My penis needs a shock collar
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
