Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
