Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
