I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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