the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
