God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
