She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
